3×04 The Parent ‘Hood – Love, African American Style

3×04 The Parent ‘Hood – Love, African American Style


CHOOL. MY TEACHER SAID I DON’T
HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TODAY. JUST YOU? I WAS JUST AS SHOCKED
AS YOU WERE. ALL RIGHT, CECE, WHY DON’T
YOU WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL? THIS KID KEEPS BUGGING ME. WHAT’S HE DOING? HE TEASES ME.
HE TAKES MY FOOD. HE BOSSES ME AROUND. HEY, THAT’SMYJOB. LISTEN, IF THIS KID
KEEPS BOTHERING YOU, YOU ALWAYS GOT YOUR BIG
BROTHER TO PROTECT YOU. THANKS, MICHAEL,
BUT YOU DON’T GO TO MY SCHOOL. YES, BUT NICHOLAS DOES. ME? I’M A LOVER,
NOT A FIGHTER. THE KID’S ONLY THIS BIG! LET’S GET READY TORUMBLE!!! COME ON, MAN. WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE
PLAYING CARDS. I’LL BE BACK.
I’LL BE BACK. KAREN WAS SHOWING ME A FEW FABRIC SWATCHES
FOR THE COUCH. WHAT DO YOU THINK
IS BETTER — THE BLUE OR THE GREEN? WHICH ONE IS CHEAPER? THE BLUE. I LOVE THE BLUE.
I LOVE THE BLUE, HONEY. HEY, MAN,
WHAT’S THE HOLDUP… [ ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS ] WENDELL, WENDELL! WHO’S THAT FINE THING
OVER THERE, MAN? THAT’S JERRI. THEOTHERFINE THING! OH, THAT’S KAREN,
THE INTERIOR DECORATOR. KAREN, THIS IS WENDELL.
WENDELL, KAREN. HEY! LET’S FINISH THE GAME.
THE BID’S ON YOU. YEAH, I’LL BE IN THERE. [ CLEARS THROAT ] YOU KNOW,
I MIGHT NEED YOU TO DECORATE THE PLACE
WHERE I LIVE. SHEISDECORATING THE
PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE. NOW IF YOU DON’T MIND,
WE HAVE WORK TO DO. YOU KNOW ME —
I’M A BUSY MAN, JERRI! GO! WENDELL, THE BID’S ON YOU. I’M GOING TO BE IN
WHEN I GET BACK. [ SIGHS LOUDLY ] WENDELL,
LONG TIME, NO SEE. I’M SORRY, JERRI.
I JUST LOST SOMETHING. WHAT DID YOU LOSE? MY ROLEX WATCH. HAVE YOU SEEN IT, JERRI? NO…I’VENEVERSEEN IT. BUT IF I FIND IT,
I’LL LET YOU KNOW! ALL RIGHT, ‘CAUSE I PAID
$530,000 DOLLARS FOR IT. LIBERACE
HAD ONE JUST LIKE IT. [ SIGHS LOUDLY ] SO WENDELL,
DID YOU FIND YOUR ROLEX? YES, I DID. IT WAS UNDER THE
FRONT SEAT OF MY‘VETTE. YOUR CHEVETTE? COR-VETTE! JERRI,CORRR-VETTE! Robert: WENDELL! ’96 DROP-TOP BLACK,
BLACK ON BLACK. I’M BLACK.
WE’RE ALL BLACK. [ Laughing ]
‘VETTE! VOOM, VOOM! HI, CECE. THAT BALL IS COOL. NOW IT’S MINE! HA! I DON’T THINK SO,
LAUGHING BOY! WHO ARE YOU? I’M CECE’S BIG BROTHER! NOW GIVE HER BACK
THAT BALL! OKAY. NOW SAY YOU’RE SORRY! I’M SORRY.
ANYTHING ELSE? UHHHH, YEAH. NOW SAY, “NICK
IS THE KING OF THE WORLD!” NICK IS THE KING
OF THE WORLD! CAN I GO NOW? YEAH, I THINK
MY WORK IS DONE HERE NOW. WOW, NICK, I NEVER KNEW
HOW BRAVE YOU WERE. A MAN’S GOT TO DO
WHAT A MAN’S GOT TO DO! WHO THE MAN? YOU THE MAN. WHO THE MAN?! YOUTHE MAN! NOW, SAY ITLOUD!
WHO THE MAN?! THAT GUY BEHIND YOU
IS THE MAN. SO YOU WERE PICKING ON
MY LITTLE BROTHER. WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO NOW? NICHOLAS, DO THAT THING
A MAN DOES. I’M GOING TO BEAT YOU INTO TINY, LITTLE
FOURTH-GRADE MEATBALLS! NO, YOU’RE NOT,
‘CAUSE HE’S THE MAN. [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] YOU BETTER BE GLAD
I GOT TO GO TO CLASS. BUT I WANT YOU HERE TOMORROW
AFTER SCHOOL AT 3:00! OH…AND WEAR SOMETHING THAT GOES GOOD
WITH BUTT WHIPPING! YOU KNOW, YOUR BROWN SHIRT
HANGS NICE ON YOU. [ DOORBELL RINGS ] I’LL GET IT, HONEY.
THAT’S WENDELL. WE’RE GOING
TO PLAY SOME BALL. UH…WENDELL… WHY ARE YOU
WEARING THAT SUIT? WHAT? THIS OLD THING?! WHO WEARS A SUIT
TO A BASKETBALL GAME? PAT RILEY. YOU SEE, KAREN,
PAT RILEY AND I SHARE THE SAME SENSE
OF STYLE. IS THAT SO? COME ON, WENDELL. THE LADIES
HAVE GOT WORK TO DO. I GOT YOU! OH! OH!
SOMEBODY’SPAGINGME! OH, IT’S JUST BILL COSBY. HE MUST HAVE GOT MY NUMBER
FROM BISHOP TUTU. WENDELL,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ROB, YOU GOT TO HELP ME
GET KAREN. HAVEN’T YOU
GIVEN UP ON KAREN YET? SHE’S NOT GIVING YOU
THE TIME OF DAY. I THINK
SHE’S PLAYING HARD TO GET. I DON’T THINK
SHE’S PLAYING. YOU’RE RIGHT, MAN. COME ON,
LET’S GO PLAY SOME BALL. IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. NO, MAN,
YOU GO ON WITHOUT ME. I DON’T THINK
I’LL EVER PLAY BALL AGAIN. I CAN’T EAT.
I CAN’T SLEEP. YOU CAN’T EAT? I MEAN, I COULD EAT BUT I CAN ONLY EAT,
LIKE, CERTAIN THINGS. CHICKEN… RIBS… HOT WINGS… THE POINT IS, ROB,
I’M IN A BAD SITUATION, MAN. I’M IN LOVE. I DON’T KNOW. WHAT CAN I SAY
TO MAKE KAREN LIKE ME? TRUST ME, MAN,
WOMEN LIKE ROMANCE. LET’S DO SOME ROLE-PLAYING. I’LL BE YOU,
AND YOU BE KAREN. OKAY, LET ME GET READY. ¶ GO, WENDELL ¶ ¶ GET BUSY ¶ OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! HEY, KAREN. HI, WENDELL. YOU KNOW, YOU FINE. I WANT YOU TO BE MY MAN.
COME ON, LET’S GO. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. THIS IS ROLE-PLAYING,
NOT “FANTASY ISLAND.” OKAY, PICTURE THIS —
YOU’RE ALONE WITH KAREN, LUTHER’S ON THE CD, AND YOU LOOK HER
IN THE EYES, AND YOU SAY WHAT? I’M A FREAK, BABY. NO, NO, NO. [ HOWLING ] YOU KNOW, JUST GIVE HER
SOME FLOWERS AND CANDY. ROB, I’M NOT A
FLOWER-AND-CANDY TYPE OF GUY. WHAT KIND OF GUY ARE YOU? I’M A HUMPHREY BOGART
TYPE OF GUY. I SAW HIM
IN A MOVIE LAST NIGHT. HE DIDN’T HAVE
NO FLOWERS, NO CANDY. ALL HE HAD
WAS A STRONG GAME. [ STOMPS FOOT ] [ PIANO PLAYS
“AS TIME GOES BY” ] [ Imitating Humphrey Bogart ]
HI, SAM. I’M NOT SAM! I’M LITTLE RICHARD,
AND I NEVER WON NO GRAMMY! WOOOO! WHATEVER. OF ALL THE CLUBS
IN THE WORLD, SHE HAD TO WALK INTO MINE. I FELL FOR HER, SEE.
I FELL FOR HER HARD! I KNOW HOW YOU FELT! THAT’S HOW I FELT WHEN
I DIDN’T GET MY GRAMMY! YOU PLAYED IT FOR HER, SAM.
NOW PLAY IT FOR ME. I’M NOT PLAYING NOTHING! I’M TIRED
OF BEING RIPPED OFF! MICHAEL JACKSON — ME!
PRINCE — ME! RU PAUL — DEFINITELY ME! WOOOO! SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP, SAM! NOW YOU’RE TRYING
TO RIP ME OFF! I SAID, “SHUT UP!” SHUT UP AND PLAY THE SONG! I’M NOT PLAYING NOTHING!
GRAMMY! PLAY THE SONG! GRAMMY! WENDELL… I COULDN’T GET ON THAT PLANE. I KNEW YOU’D BE BACK. I KNOW
YOU’RE A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER. I KNOW YOU
DON’T HAVE A ROLEX WATCH. I KNOW YOUR CAR
IS THAT CHEVETTE OUT THERE WITH THE BOOT ON IT. BUT I’M CRAZY MAD FOR YOU. CRAZY, I TELL YOU! HERE’S LOOKING AT YOU, KID. HE SAYS THAT TO EVERYBODY! PLAY A SONG, RICHARD. I’M NOT PLAYING NOTHING! PLAY THE SONG, RICHARD!
PLAY THE SONG! I’M NOT PLAYING NOTHING! PLAY THE SONG! WOOOO! WOOOO! WOOOO! WENDELL, IT ONLY WORKS OUT
THAT WAY IN THE MOVIES. YOU’RE NOT HUMPHREY BOGART.
YOU’RE YOU — WENDELL WILCOX. THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO
IS BE YOURSELF. IAMBEING MYSELF. I’M TRYING TO GET YOU
TO DO STUFF FOR ME. [ KNOCKING ON DOOR ] COME IN. NICK, HERE’S YOUR LAUNDRY. THANKS, ZARIA. MICHAEL, WHICH ONE
OF THESE SHIRTS WOULD BE EASIER
TO GET BLOOD OUT OF? BLOOD? WHAT?! IS THERE SOMETHING
WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT, NICK? NO, IT’S JUST A NORMAL DAY —
GO TO SCHOOL, EAT LUNCH, GET YOUR BUTT WHIPPED,
AND COME HOME. WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
“GET YOUR BUTT WHIPPED”? I HAVE TO FIGHT
THE BIG BROTHER OF THE KID
THAT’S MESSING WITH CECE. MICHAEL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING AT 3:00? MY BAND’S REHEARSING, MAN.
SORRY, I CAN’T MISS IT. THE KID’S ONLY THIS BIG! IT’S NOT LIKE WE’RE
HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH. I’M THERE, DUDE. THIS IS SO PATHETIC.
TYPICAL MALE REACTION! WHY DO GUYS ALWAYS HAVE
TO RESORT TO FIGHTING TO SOLVE THEIR DIFFERENCES? BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO SIT AROUND
WAITING TO EXHALE. YOU KNOW, MICHAEL,
I AM SO SURPRISED THAT A SMART GUY LIKE YOU
WOULD STOOP TO VIOLENCE. COME ON, ZARIA. THERE’S A TIME
IN EVERY MAN’S LIFE WHERE HE’S GOT TO PUT HIS
FISTS UP AND THROW DOWN. YOU? DON’T YOU MEAN “THROW
DOWN YOUR BOOKS AND RUN”? YOU WANT ME THERE
AT 3:00, RIGHT? YES, SIR. UTT WHIPPING. ACTUALLY, THERE’S BEEN
ALITTLECHANGE OF PLANS. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I THINK THE QUESTION IS
“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” MEET MY BIG BROTHER,
MICHAEL. YOUR BIG BROTHER? YEAH, YOU WOULD KNOW HIM
IF YOU EVER BEEN TOPRISON. I-I DON’T WANT
TO FIGHT HIM. I WANT TO FIGHT YOU. WELL, WE’RE A PACKAGE DEAL! MESS WITH MY LITTLE
BROTHER, YOU MESS WITH ME. SO WHAT’S IT GOING TO BE? MAN,
LET’S GET OUT OF HERE! THANKS, BRO’,
YOU REALLY LOOKED MEAN. YEAH, PRISON
WILL DO THAT TO YOU. HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN CECE? I WAS SUPPOSED
TO PICK HER UP. ZARIA, YOU MISSED
A WONDERFUL FIGHT! YOU GUYS FOUGHT? NAH, THEY BACKED DOWN
REAL FAST. THAT’S A GOOD THING
FOR THEM, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? CONGRATULATIONS. YOU SETTLED
YOUR DIFFERENCES UNDER THE THREAT
OF VIOLENCE. YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD. WE ARE! I WISH THEY HADN’T
BACKED DOWN SO QUICK. IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE
I GUT-PUNCHED SOMEBODY. WHY DON’T YOU
TRY IT NOW, PUNK! WHAT? WHO ARE YOU? I’MHISOLDER BROTHER,
CHUMP! ALL RIGHT. DID MY LITTLE BROTHER TELL YOU
I WAS IN PRISON, PUNK?! I DON’T REMEMBER
SEEING YOU THERE. GO AHEAD AND
GUT-PUNCH HIM, MICHAEL! HE AIN’T THAT BIG! [ Whispering ]
‘Cause you the man! I GOT MYSELF INTO THIS.
LET’S GO! [ CHEERING AND YELLING ] HEY!! WHAT ARE YOU GUYDOING?! YOU GUYS
ARE STILFIGHTING?! DO YOU EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU’RE FIGHTING ABOUT? THEIR LITTLE BROTHER WAS MESSING WITH
OUR LITTLE SISTER. SO YOU JUMP
RIGHT TO A CONFRONTATION? DID ANY OF YOU BIG BROTHERS EVEN BOTHER TO TALK
TO THE LITTLE KIDS? THAT’S RIGHT.
NO YOU DIDN’T! IF YOU HAD,
YOU WOULD HAVE FOUND OUT THAT THEY SETTLED
THEIR DIFFERENCES. THANKS FOR THE TWINKIE,
DANIEL. IT WAS DELICIOUS. HEY, ANYTHING
FOR MY NEW GIRLFRIEND. GIRLFRIEND? CECE, I THOUGHT
THIS KID WAS BUGGING YOU. THAT’S JUST HIS WAY
OF SAYING I’M THE “BOMB.” ROB, I’M TIRED OF WAITING! KAREN’S IN THERE ALONE.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME. I HELPED YOU ALREADY. I EVEN PAID THE LATE FEE
ON THAT SUIT YOU RENTED. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? GO IN THERE
AND TALK FOR YOU? THAT WILL WORK! COME ON! HEY, KAREN. HEY, ROBERT. JERRI’S OUT
BUYING SOME FABRIC. YEAH, I HEARD. SO…HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU
BEEN A, UH, DESIGNER? ABOUT SIX. DO YOU PLAY THE PIANO? DO — DO YOU — DO YOU GET HAPPY IN CHURCH? OHH! WHAT DOES
YOUR HUSBAND DO? OH, I’M NOT MARRIED. AHHH, AHH.
DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? NO, NOT AT THE MOMENT. I CAN’T BELIEVE A WOMAN
AS ATTRACTIVE AS YOU DOESN’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. THANK YOU, ROBERT. SO WHAT KIND OF QUALITIES
DO YOU LIKE IN A MAN? OH, UM, KINDNESS, A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR,
INTERESTING JOB. LIKE A TEACHER? A TEACHER? YEAH, I GUESS
I COULD LIKE A TEACHER. I THINK A TEACHER
WOULD BE A GOOD CATCH FOR SOMEONE
AS INTELLIGENT AS YOU, EVEN IF IT WAS SOMETHING
HE DID ON THE SIDE. ON THE SIDE? ROBERT,
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT? LET ME BE HONEST WITH YOU AND DON’T SAY ANYTHING
TO ANYBODY, BUT SOMEONE HERE THINKS
YOU’RE VERYSPECIAL. WHY DOESN’T THAT SOMEONE
COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT? [ CHUCKLING ] BECAUSE THESE THINGS
ARE NEVER EASY, AND HE’S AFRAID
OF MAKING A MISTAKE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING. YEAH, ROBERT, I THINK I DO KNOW
WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! JERRI, I THINK YOU’RE
A REALLY NICE PERSON, BUT I CAN’T WORK HERE
ANYMORE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THINGS ARE GOING SO WELL. I CANNOT WORK HERE
BECAUSE… WELL, SOMEONE’S
BEEN COMING ON TO ME, AND IT’S MAKING ME VERY,
VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. I UNDERSTAND. WENDELL!
WENDELL! HUH? WILL YOU PLEASE
STOP BOTHERING KAREN? WENDELL IS NOT THE ONE
HITTING ON ME. IT’S YOUR HUSBAND. WHAT?
WHAT? KAREN! ROBERT WOULD NEVER
DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT. AM I RIGHT, ROBERT? [ SPUTTERING ] WENDELL, WOULD YOU
EXPLAIN TO HER WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?! MMM-HMMMM. I KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON,
MR. PLAYER-HATER OF THE YEAR! YOU WANTED ME TO WAIT SO YOU COULD HAVE KAREN
ALL TOYOURSELF! WHAT? ALL TOHIMSELF?! YOU’RE THE PERSON ROBERT
SAID IS INTERESTED IN ME?! YEAH, WHY YOU
GOT TO SAY IT LIKE THAT? I’M JUST SURPRISED. WELL, IT’S TRUE. I MEAN… I THINK YOU’RE ALL THAT
AND A BAG OF CHIPS… A BIG BAG OF CHIPS… THE KIND THAT LASTS
A WHOLE FOOTBALL GAME. THANK YOU, WENDELL. TO BE HONEST, I JUST NEVER
THOUGHT OF YOU AS MY TYPE. MAYBE THAT’S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T MET
THE REAL WENDELL WILCOX. I WAS AFRAID IF I WAS MYSELF,
YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME. THAT IS THE FIRST
HONEST THING YOU’VE SAID SINCE I MET YOU. WELL, I CAN SEE WHY YOU WOULDN’T BE
INTERESTED IN A GUY LIKE ME. A BIG NIGHT TO ME IS PIZZA
AND A BRUCE LEE MOVIE. I LOVE BRUCE LEE MOVIES. REALLY? OH, YEAH! ESPECIALLY
“ENTER THE DRAGON.” HE MUST HAVE KILLED
500 GUYS IN THAT MOVIE! REMEMBER THIS — “IT’S LIKE A FINGER
POINTING TO THE MOON.” [ Together ] “DON’T CONCENTRATE
ON THE FINGER!” [ Laughing ]
GET OUT OF HERE, BOY! OH, MAN, I LOVE THAT! I MEAN…I MEAN… THEY’RE PLAYING “THE GAME
OF DEATH” AT THE THEATER. I DON’T WANT
TO RUSH ANYTHING. I MEAN, IT’S YOUR WORLD,
BLACK QUEEN. OH, MAN! “GAME OF DEATH!”
I AM THERE! JERRI… GO RIGHT AHEAD. LET’S GO! GET YOUR PURSE. YEAH, BRO’,
GET YOUR WALLET. YEAH. THANKS, BRO’. THANKS, JERRI. WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE? [ Imitating Humphrey Bogart ]
SWEETHEART, I THINK WE JUST WITNESSED
THE BEGINNING OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? WENDELL’S GONE, AND WE HAVE THE ENTIRE
HOUSE TO OURSELVES. MMMM. WELL, UM… MMM. WHY DON’T WE
HEAD UPSTAIRS… MMM-HMM. LIGHT SOME CANDLES… MMM-HMM. AND PUT ON
SOME LITTLE RICHARD. LITTLE RICHARD? WOOOOO! WOOOOO! WENDELL… I COULDN’T
GET ON THAT PLANE. I KNEW YOU’D BE BACK,
BABY POP. [ Laughing ] I’M SORRY. [ LAUGHING ] WOOOOO! I KNOW
YOU’RE A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER, I KNOW YOU
DON’T HAVE A ROLEX WATCH, I KNOW THAT CHEVETTE OUT —
I KNOW THAT’S YOUR CA — — CAPTIONS BY VITAC —
BURBANK, PITTSBURGH, WASRNER BN


30 thoughts on “3×04 The Parent ‘Hood – Love, African American Style

  1. YO!! OUT OF ALL THESE YEARS I'VE SEEN THIS EPISODE.. IT'S SO FREAKING HILARIOUS 不不不不不不不 IT'S 20 YEARS LATER. IT'S EVEN FUNNIER不不9:30PM 6/16/18 SATURDAY MORNING

  2. "It's just a normal day. Go to school, eat lunch, get your butt whipped, and come home." I think Nicholas is the best/funniest character. Cece too.

  3. I so used to love this show. Suzanne Douglas and Regan Gomez-Preston were so gorgeous! Regan Gomez-Preston was my crush.

  4. I loved kennys role because he was smart black kid, not some
    Thug. Let's be real, He did better
    In life than that looser tk.

  5. Love how Robert acknowledges Jerri when Windell ask "who's that fine thing over there?"

    Love couples like this!

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