A Swiss tourist allegedly
went missing in Disneyland Paris after taking acid
with his girlfriend, and, uh… Is that him? And, uh, the girlfriend
told authorities, and they found him
after midnight on the bank of a lake he had reportedly
fallen into earlier. (chuckles):
He was… he was later arrested for not being able
to handle his buzz. And, uh, Tim,
what are you on right now? Uh, David, I wish I could afford
any type of drug. -Uh…
-(laughter) (laughing) The guy’s at Disney World
with his chick, and they don’t have kids. It’s like he should be in jail
for that. Uh, you’re-you’re in Paris. Go somewhere else.
What are you, an animal? I thought Parisians,
like, hated Disney. I didn’t even know
there was a Disney World -in Paris. -I didn’t know
there was one either. -Yeah. -I thought they were,
like, cultural, classy people, you know? I know. I forgot
about Disneyland in Paris -completely. -Paris. I had
no idea. -Euro Disney. Yeah. -Who goes there to go there?
That’s the thing. -I don’t know. -If you’re there, you’re like…
-I feel like it exists solely for terrorists, to just
chill them out, you know? -Yeah. -Like, they go over
there. They’re like, “All right, -this isn’t horrible.” You know?
-Seven days there, and, the last day, they get
on the plane, they’re like, “Oh, we didn’t go
to the Eiffel Tower. -Oh, that’s right. That’s here,
too.” -Deradicalize them. -Yeah.
-Yeah. No, uh, this guy, I wonder how in–
how far into the report she got, where they weren’t really
listening, and then she goes, “And he’s on acid.”
Like, “Oh.” Walkies are blowing up.
(crackling sounds) But, uh,
I-I thought the girl was good, because she was on acid
and managed to organize a seek and rescue mission. She couldn’t have just said
her boyfriend was tired? -She had to rat him out? Like…
-Yeah. -Yeah. Great.
-This is– this is why… I’m a black man.
I do my drugs in my house. (laughs):
-You know what I’m saying? (applause) Very smart. Speaking of drugged up–
we’re all speaking of it– uh, it’s a drugged up world
out there. Oof, don’t get me started. Uh, a couple in Austria–
not Australia, which I thought it was earlier– were expecting a box of,
uh, dresses. Instead, boing, they got a box
of 24,000 Ecstasy pills. -(gasping)
-The woman thought– the woman thought
they were decorative pebbles. Uh, and the man took it
to the local cops. He’s a puss. And, uh, they
didn’t know what Ecstasy was. I thought it was a MyPillow. Um, that’s what’s inside one. Uh, in fairness,
I don’t know what decorative, uh, pebbles are, so
I wouldn’t know what these are. That was actually meant
for Snoop’s high school reunion. Yeah. Yeah! I just don’t think that Austrian
couple’s gonna work out, when the woman’s like, “Oh,
they’re decorative pebbles,” and the guy knows,
“No, it’s drugs, honey. -Don’t be stupid.”
-Yeah. If you know what it is… They’re living two
different worlds, that couple. -I tell you, I didn’t know
they were. -Also, who orders a box of dresses?
What are those freaks doing? They should go to jail. -That’s why he does the pills.
-What kind of Hansel -and Gretel-type shit
is going on? -Yeah. First of all,
this would’ve never been a story if this was me,
’cause I would’ve kept ’em. -Yeah, it’s not a– It’s like
finding -I’m not giving any… -a box of money or something.
-Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no,
I would give money back. Uh, this is sort of boring,
but an ad for her lifestyle brand, Poosh– Poosh?
Was-was Puss already taken? Kourtney Kardashian posted
a picture of herself reading a book.
Oh, people went nuts over this. We had to use the one photo -where the book was right-side
up. -Is that the B– -Looks like the Holy Bible.
What is that? -Is that… I don’t know.
That’s one of her– It’s… Jane Eyre, I think. It’s, like, a lifestyle brand. By the way,
nothing relaxes me more than sitting sideways
in a square empty tub. -I know.
-She… That’s not
an aspirational moment. -No. -That’s not
an aspirational lifestyle. The messed-up thing about this is that she’s an influencer, and now kids
are gonna start reading -and they’re gonna have
back problems. -Yeah. -Let’s not push
the back problems. -This bitch doesn’t know
how to get attention. Like, think of everything everybody else
in that family’s done. Like, she’s reading.
She dated a guy named Scott. Like, that’s not
what the move is. -That’s not what the move is.
-That’s not it. -I hate her.
-Yeah. I like Khloe.
I like the fat one who’s now thin
but somehow is still fat. -Somehow.
-Well, also, one of her fans
went to bat for her and reminded the haters
that she went to college. First of all, don’t stick up
for the Kardashians. -They’re never the underdog.
-Yeah. True. -Right. -This isn’t a real Rudy story.
-Unless it’s a spelling bee. -Come on.
-Come on. Come on. (applause) -Yeah. All right.
-All right. -Yeah. -Well…
-I wonder– I wonder who told her
what book she was reading. Yeah. You know,
it does look even faker that she opens it in the middle,
you know what I mean? -Yeah.
-‘Cause that’s, like, -a fake move.
-She’s halfway through. They just hand it to her.
“Go, go.” And she was selling a dif–
It was all to sell some diffusion oil
that combined lavender, rose and, like, peanut butter. Anything that smells like
three things ain’t a good thing. I will say,
none of this reflects on Poosh, -which has great products.
-Yes. -Poosh is great. Click on.
-Oh. Separate from her? I don’t want to– It’s not… -This is just a long
Poosh infomercial. -Yeah. Right.