the Eagles are going
on tour next year. They’ve been on tour.
I’ve seen them. I actually saw them
a couple of nights ago. I did a little review.
Let’s look at a clip. Actually,
let’s watch the whole thing. So, I had the play-sure of going to see the Eagles,
which I’ve seen before. I know they’re
just shoveling money, I feed it, they shovel it.
But I do. I was in the second row.
Is that a good row? Mm-hmm. That was what, a thousand?
One, two… Pretty close. Hi, Eagles. Boink, boink.
Pluck feathers. First of all, not
super personalities up there. Let’s be honest.
It’s, like, Joe Walsh and four burnt matches. Two people were wearing
bowler hats. That’s right at the beginning.
It threw me off. If I was Don Henley,
I’d be backstage going… “Are you wearing a ba-ba-ba…
bowler hat?” I didn’t see that in the window
at Banana Republic. Is anyone wearing those
right now? Topshop? Anybody? We’re in America.
Take it off. And why are two of you
wearing them? Two. I don’t need Chuck Chaplin
out there. We’re trying to be hip.
We’re trying to get that… 40-to-90-year-old crowd. Right now we’ve got 90-to-300. It is an old crowd, but I
look like a spring chicken. (squawks) They also stopped
maybe an hour in and go, “We’re gonna take 30. Bye-ee. “Go buy some merch.
Get us richer. “Have our $60 beer,
whatever you want. We’ll be back.” And then they scram.
Lights come up. And, of course, people get me
into a selfie-like situation. (mimics slow audio):
Rrrr… This dude’s here can dish… Ka-flash. I’m like, “Ha-ha-ha-ha.
We’re high.” Everyone’s spilling beer on me. Don Henley’s back
in his hammock, like, from the Sharper Image. I’m so mad by the time
they come back. I’m like,
“Why would you stop?” But then like a bad boyfriend
I take ’em right back. And they’re, like,
three bars of, you know, any great song,
and I’m like this. Ooh!
(panting): I know this one. I know this one. This one’s a toe-tapper. (whoops) Pow. Pow. The weird part
about going to the Eagles is they make an announcement:
no dancing, no standing and no pictures. And then there’s
a security guard looking directly at me
’cause I’m in the second row– did I already drop
that bomb on you?– So if I try to do a camera,
he’s like this. I’m like, “Ugh.” I’m a star. It’s cool. Anyway, there’s a 22-year-old
in the row in front of me. Why she’s there, I don’t know. But she’s getting so pissed
and so drunk on vodka crans
that she’s just like this. The guy goes, “Sit down,”
she goes, “Hey, (bleep) you.” I go, “I don’t want
a part of this.” And everyone’s like, “Hey, tell
your daughter to shut up.” I go, “I’m not– I don’t–
I’m-I’m not with her. “I don’t know her.
She’s right here. I don’t know
she has good tickets.” And then she’s wiggling so much she starts waving people
to get up. Now, three people got up
in my row. It was pandemonium. Anarchy just short of The Purge. After a while, two songs later,
she goes, “Everybody up.” Now she’s got
about 40 people up. We’ve got a real Norma Rae
situation on our hands ’cause she’s organizing the mob. And even the Eagles
are darting down like this, “Do we have a sitch?
Is there a sitch?” So they finally
get everyone down, everything calms down
for a second, and then they go into
“All She Wants to Do is Dance.” I mean, are you (bleep)
asking for it. This chick is like, toot! Pops up,
right out of the toaster. We’ve got a full-on Footloose
situation on our hands. Everyone’s like… Because the Eagles, (bleep) you,
you’re asking for it. And then they’re looking down, and I’m looking
at the Eagles going, “Hey, why don’t you guys
take it easy?” (laughing) Anybody hear that?
It’s so loud. I said why don’t–
there’s a song… Ah, (bleep) it. Anyway, overall, all hits,
wall to wall. I would see them again. (cawing) Eagles! Pow.