Brett Gelman Lives in His Car (feat. Chris Jericho) – Lights Out with David Spade

Brett Gelman Lives in His Car (feat. Chris Jericho) – Lights Out with David Spade

Kylie Jenner needed a new car, so she bought herself something
sensible and dependable, a $3 million Bugatti. She posted a video of it
on Instagram, of course, and then, uh, she got lit up
for flaunting her wealth, so she deleted it. Brett,
you still live in your car. -What do you think…
-(laughter) of… this? Why do I pick on you,
of all people? What do I think
about living in my car? -I think it’s great. I…
-(laughter) I have a, you know,
a little mini fridge in there. I have a nice… selection of fine meats -and cheeses.
-(laughter) -Okay.
-And, uh, I’ll be honest, sleeping in it
is not comfortable. -Mm.
-Plus, you know, I’m not really on that much anti-inflammatory
diet, with all the meats, so… I wake up pretty stiff,
so what I save on, like, you know, apartment or rent,
I-I have to pay in… massages and acupuncture. (laughter) That’s not where I thought
this was heading. (laughter) But I like it.
I started this problem. I think a Bugatti is
a nice car, and I… They say it’s rude, ’cause
there’s kids starving in Africa, but they’re not eating
a Bugatti. I don’t get what they…
I don’t get… -I don’t understand.
-I think it’s crazy that her fans are mad–
it’s, like, did you think -you were following Elizabeth
Warren? Like… -(laughter) I feel like… if she was…
she goes like this. “Oh, you bought this?”
She goes, “I didn’t finish. “I’m gonna fill it
with Triscuits “and drop it over the Congo,
and then everyone’s gonna eat and get carbs,”
and they’re like, “Oh, Kylie, -you really turned it around.”
-“Oh, Kylie.” But then people
are gonna be like, what if… what if some of the people in
the Congo are gluten-intolerant? SPADE:
I know. -You can’t win at all.
-You can’t win. You can’t win. -Not with IG. -That’s always
the problem. -Yeah. All right.
This one you can win. Glenlivet is putting whiskey
in capsules– Everyone’s been clamoring
for this– that are basically edible
Tide Pods. And it is the least classy way
to drink and do laundry. But I don’t think– I don’t know if you chew them and then it-it goes up
into your mouth, which would be too–
that would taste like shit. Or if you swallow them like they do
in those cocaine movies. Or, I don’t know. I, uh, when I was in college,
I always wanted to go into a dryer
and close the door, and turn it on
and see what was gonna happen. This would actually help me
close the deal. Just take some Tide Pod whiskey,
get into the (bleep) dryer, set it off and just let me do it
for the rest of the night. I like that Glenlivet is like,
“What if booze was pills? Let’s capitalize
on this opioid epidemic.” Right.
Just combine the two. -Yeah.
-I love these. I can’t wait. I tru– Like, I think everyone’s
against these. It’s like, “Listen, this is why
my ancestors moved here from the potato famine,”
you know? Like, so we could put whiskey straight in our puss
if we want to. -And… -SPADE:
Is that where you put it? Where are you gonna– I mean,
when you– when I see that, my first instinct is, “I’m gonna
put that in my puss.” -Uh…
-Yeah. It’s not gonna be
an every day thing. Will I chew it and swallow it
sometimes? -Absolutely. But…
-Fine. Sure. Am I gonna experiment with some
whiskey pod in my puss? SPADE:
Sure. I would, you know. In more “Mom,
turn off the show” news… there’s a new sponge for women that provides easy cleanup
after sex. It’s called, literally,
the “come and gone.” -JERICHO: Wow.
-Oh, boy. Mom, I was not bluffing. Before the clip,
turn off the TV. Here’s a clip
of what this thing is. ♪ ♪ -That’s terrible.
-(laughter) That’s not real, is it? (laughter) Oh.
(smacks lips) Men already have this product. It’s called an old sock. JUDITH SPADE: Davey,
I didn’t turn off the TV, And, boy, am I sorry. (laughter) -That’s my mom.
-Thanks, Mom. -SPADE: Yeah, that is
a real thing. -JERICHO: Wow. And it was made– I think I saw
that on Shark Spank. And that is something I want to
get in on if it’s a GoFundMe. I just– Like, this is a product
that’s actually supposed to go in my pussy,
and I don’t want to do it. So that’s like…
They’ve clearly… -SPADE: That’s the opposite.
-Also, I’m a modern woman. I like to just drip, drip, drip,
you know? Uh… (laughter) I like to go into a– You guys look… (laughing) (laughter) (applause and cheering) They’ve all turned into my mom. I think this is a way that women are gonna be able to get
the DNA from NBA players and then create
their own Jurassic Park where it gives
a whole new meaning… Raptors will be running free
in a whole different way. I was at the aquarium yesterday
and I found out that the turtles are more
excited to choke on these than just straws. They’re really
looking forward to it.

45 thoughts on “Brett Gelman Lives in His Car (feat. Chris Jericho) – Lights Out with David Spade

  1. Okay, so I know I'm stupid, but I don't get the real purpose of those booze pods. Is it so you can get around container rules in your car or at concert/sports arenas? Does it help alcoholics or kids hide booze or booze consumption in some way? Do you freeze them? Do people use them to create some sort of "novelty" cocktails? Please, someone enlighten me.

  2. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about the living in the car gag but if I don’t find a place soon that’s where I’ll be spending my nights.

  3. Her fans were upset…? The same fans that donated money to her to make her a billionaire, literally donating money to someone who has over $900mil…

  4. Ya more rich people just be and be about people without it's not your problem why fuking worry about it you didnt fuck all those women and have 12 to 15 kids a piece so why is it are puss

  5. Hmm…going on a date with Kylie in her Borgatti, eating Glenlivet whiskey pods and having her clean up after sex with Come and Gone. How's that for an image?!

  6. Hey David, I'm sorry I'm kind of not your normal dude I have Asperger's Syndrome but I can never not love you I'm sure you know how that goes, stop having these f**** debutante c******* comedians on your show please move to the next level and f**** pull something cool off!! Like a normal condescendent backboard b** bro like Norm Macdonald has and not these stupid f**** want to be comedians who don't have "it" Love you bro you can never disappoint me it's just the s*** you hire disappoints me!!

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