people say comedians are born, not made. But, uh, we were out
of ideas already on show one, so we decided to make one. So Jeff Ross, Fred Wolf,
and I gave a guy with no stand-up experience
at all, my driver, an earpiece
to repeat everything we say to see if he’d be a comedian, and we threw him onstage at
the world-famous Comedy Store. ♪ ♪ My name’s Matt,
and I, uh, drive Mr. Spade. All right, Matt, you good? -We’re good.
-Got that earpiece in? -Yeah. -All right, so,
Jeff, Fred and I– we’re gonna talk like this, and you tell me
if you can hear me? -Loud and clear.
-So you have to say everything we say,
whatever you hear on this, whether it’s any of us, just say it, and we will watch
to see if it works or not. I’ve never really
tried stand-up. Have you ever been
in front of people before, spoken in front of people
before? Um, a little bit. At the DMV? All right. I feel excited and nervous. Can we turn up the AC possibly? WOMAN: Coming to the stage
next, you guys, give it up and keep it going
for Matt Stonerock. (applause and cheering) All right. Thank you. You guys like impressions? Do you guys like impressions? If you do, you should see
the one I left on the couch in the green room. If you do,
you should see the one I left on the couch in the green room. (laughter) SPADE:
How about a round of applause for the hardest-working people
in the building? How about a round of applause for the hardest peop…
working people in the building? -My knees.
-(whooping) My knees. (laughter) -Anyway…
-Anyway… (laughter) I used
to be Kid Rock’s chauffeur. I used to be
Kid Rock’s chauffeur. I had to quit ’cause I refused
to drink while I was driving. I had to quit
because I refused to drink while I was driving. (laughter) Anyway… -Say “Anyway.” Oh, he did
a driving bit? -Anyway… -Anyway…
-What race am I? What race am I? (laughter) Does anyone know?
I can’t afford 23andMe. Does anybody know? (laughter) I can’t afford 23andMe. -I can’t afford…
-23andMe. 23andMe. (laughter) -(bleep) botched it.
-Oh, my God. I’ll tell you what race I am. I’ll tell you
what race I am. Short distance recumbent bike. Short something…
“cundum” bike. (laughter) -Wait.
-Recumbent. I’m still working on that one. I’m still working on that one.
Sorry. Can I get a drink up here? Can I get a drink
up here? Barbecue sauce neat, please. Barbecue sauce neat,
please. (laughter) I have resting rest face. -I have limited rest space.
-What? No. Resting rest face. I have a resting rust face. (laughter) I have to shit
so bad right now. My shit is so bad right now. (laughter) Who’s from out of town? Who’s from
out of town? (laughter) Hey. When I step on a scale,
it goes, “Ow! (bleep)” When I step on a scale, It goes, “Ow! (bleep)” (laughter) That’s a thinker. That’s
a thinker. (laughter) Good job. Good job. Saved it. -What a crowd.
-What a crowd. (laughter) SPADE:
Look at him. Is it hot in here,
or do I weigh 400 pounds? Is it just me,
or do I weigh 400 pounds? (laughter) ROSS:
Anyway… Anyway… You’ve been a great crowd. You’ve been
a great crowd. -Thank you guys.
-All right. -Great job.
-Great! (applause and cheering) (bleep) yeah. Good job! WOMAN:
Matt Stonerock! -ROSS: Amazing.
-WOMAN: Yeah. -How do you feel?
-I feel like an all-star. (applause and cheering) -Well… -It was good.
-It was good. -That was cute.
-SPADE: I want to thank you guys even though you’ll never
be back– Whitney, Neal and Erik. Couldn’t have done it
without you. It wouldn’t have been as good. We’ll be right back. (applause and cheering)