Bachelor in Paradise.
You know this show. -Uh, you do.
Bachelor in Paradise. -Yeah. -What show?
-I can’t even… I don’t have time. Bachelor in Paradise
is finally ending. It’s been a wild ride. I was helping. The whole time,
I’m running the show. I was a consultant, telling the
contestants what to say and do. Oh, you didn’t know?
Let’s look at a clip. -♪ ♪
-(whooshing) WOMAN (on TV):
Have you been dating? -Yeah.
-Have you just been, like, living it up? What…? SPADE:
All right, Hannah, she’s gonna drop a bomb on you,
so just, uh… -Let me tell you…
-You know, roll with it. -I have kind of
been seeing someone. -(gasps) Like, plot twist?
It happens to be a woman. Okay. Hannah, I can see your face. You’re not digging this,
are you? (thick Southern accent):
This ain’t in the Bible. (laughs)
I know. SPADE: It’s not. You’re doing
great. Don’t freak out, Hannah. Remember how you ended up
liking black people after all? Come on, Spicoli. You’re not
gonna read a poem, are you? Make sure your family’s
very embarrassed watching this. What lady is it that enriches
the hand of yonder knight? For it is thee that teaches
the torches to burn so bright. I think it needed this. Yeah. Have you been
taking lessons? I haven’t. I haven’t
picked it up in four years. Glad I brought it, though. This barely fit in the overhead. They were gonna tell me
to check it. I said, “Go (bleep) yourself.” This thing is worth 100 bucks.
I’m not checking it. Hey, Jordan,
go start some shit. -What’s in that piñata?
-A plan B. Ooh! That’s right. All right,
don’t break it, but grab it. We need those. Christian, we can’t have a
fight. We’re gonna get sued. Oh, this is getting real. -No. Guys, stop.
-Oh, shit. Throw him down. Flip him over.
Do, like, a hitch flip. -Yes!
-(audience groaning) Oh, that’s perfect. Christian, don’t fight back. You’re gonna lose this one. Everybody freak out.
All cast, freak out. Everyone run over.
Where is he going? Hey, grab him. (grunting on TV) Shit! (bleep) Christian,
what are you doing in here? Where’s the exit, bro?
Where’s the exit? Go that way! That way! He’s in here. He’s in here.
He’s in the control booth. Goddamn it.
Oh, my God, am I okay? Are you okay, I mean? -(sighs)
-Oh, shit. Oh, I eat when I’m nervous. What the (bleep) was that?