J.B. Smoove’s Dating Advice for Tristan Thompson – Lights Out with David Spade

J.B. Smoove’s Dating Advice for Tristan Thompson – Lights Out with David Spade


This is Tristan Thompson.
Right? You know him. He’s trying to win back his
ex-girlfriend, Khloe Kardashian, -so he gave her a $500,000
Porsche. -LEDERMAN: Come on. He did this after getting
relationship advice from Drake, and he hopes the new ride
will show her how sorry he is for lying, cheating
and then cheating again and then one more time and then making out
with his sister’s friend. Annie, have you
ever dated a cheater? -I’ve… a few.
-Yeah. Everybody has, right? Yeah. They’re fun.
It’s fun, you know? You’re like,
“Where did I get these crabs?” -(laughter) -Probably,
what Porsche costs 500 grand? You know, the kind they sell
to celebrities, that’s the kind. It’s a $90,000 Porsche,
and they put rims on it and go, -“Now it’s 500 grand.”
-LEDERMAN: Thanks for the car. He should, like, buy her the car
and then use it to hit the strippers
that he cheated on her with. LEDERMAN:
Ah, that’s a great idea. -A little grand theft auto.
-And then give it back. -You know what I mean?
-Yeah, I like that. Why not…
why spend half a million? Why not just pick
a different Kardashian? (laughter) -Oh. Nice.
-You know what I mean? He’s clearly already got
the hottest one. So, I’m thinking more on
the business side of this shit. -SPADE: Yes. -He bought
a dumb-ass car, right? For $500,000, right? You pull this off the lot, it’s
gonna be worth $300,000. Right? This is the (bleep) you do you
want to get back with your lady. Do the math. Don’t spend $500,000
on a stupid-ass car. You buy her 500 things
that cost a thousand dollars. -See? Load that house with all
kinds of stupid shit… -Yeah. that cost
a thousand (bleep) dollars. 500 stupid-ass things
that cost a (bleep): a llama. Stupid-ass shit like that,
you know what I mean? -(laughter)
-Dumb-ass shit. 500,000 one-dollar things. Oh (bleep)!
Now you (bleep)! LEDERMAN:
So many hackey sacks. (cheering, applause) (bleep) I didn’t want to…
I didn’t want to be too petty. I didn’t want to be
too (bleep) petty. There’s a lot of shit out there
for a dollar, a whole lot of shit. They got a store
called a dollar store, and this mother (bleep) could
buy the whole (bleep store. -SPADE: Yeah.
-It’s, like, “This is your… “this is your…
this is your dollar store. -“This could be yours!”
-“It’s yours! They’re yours! This dollar store is
(bleep) yours! It’s your shit! -(cheering, applause)
-See? You are very smart. That’s lady shit. See, a lady would think
of that kind of shit. -You know… -Finally got
a business for yourself, see? J.B., that sounds crazy,
but if you think about it, it actually doesn’t make
any sense at all. -Mm.
-(laughter) I’m just doing the math,
that’s all. I’m just doing the (bleep) math. -All right, J.B….
-I’m doing the math. (bleep) the math.
That was good math. -Good math…
-All right, simmer down.


37 thoughts on “J.B. Smoove’s Dating Advice for Tristan Thompson – Lights Out with David Spade

  1. Damn … Did JB lose weight filming Far From Home? 😰 And why does Spade say the car brand like "Borscht"? 😅

  2. Omg I love JB Smoove and Anthony Jeselnik. Looks like tonight will be another great show. It’s starting in 15 mins. Woot woot!

  3. One car equals one point. Five-thousand things given one at a time equals five-thousand points. And that's why he's Smoove…

  4. TT chose the worst white women to get clout on.she lied for how many years about fertility, now shes choosing which twisted sister got the baddest rep.. His son going to be on an episode of evil stepmother soon Kris jenner was thinking ahead on this one. One good thing Khloe becomes a new person every Vogue issue so TT your fantasies will be done and done.. JOKING

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