you can go through now your rights Carol this is just the beginning the rooks are calling and the night is yet to reveal the road huh thanks for coming in yes thank you for seeing me I have been hoping to speak with you of matters most urgent most pressing right as you know I've been brought in by the board to reshape umbrella amongst other things one of my responsibilities is the safety of the staff people are puppets cut loose from their strings right from what I can see you've been the resident architects overseen all of umbrellas designs from day one indeed and I have so much more work to come see this is the kind of eccentricity that we have an issue with let's talk specifics one of our biggest recurring complaints over all of our facilities including the bold ones is the staff mortality rates in the 50 years glorious years of trading we have significant issues with your designs and the fatal impacts resulting in a 98% fatality rate surrounding everything you've ever done to be blunt your designs are absolute madness madness is in the mirror we're true reflections pied sure we could talk semantics but here are some actual feedback forms I've had since starting a month ago the bathroom on the first floor requires me to flick a switch on a very graphic painting two rooms away sometimes in a rush I hit the wrong switch locking me in the corridor we're a flock of crows start attacking me the key to my desk is in four parts and I don't understand what the pole of the moon will open the way means or how it helps me the list goes on can you see the problem with this sort of thing do you understand how difficult it is to reach the evacuation points and the hundred percent of outbreaks we've had the way clears if the traveler finds courage that literally makes no sense Carol shit we're trapped trapped what do you know the tiger yawns what does that even mean it's pretty obvious into the darkness to find our way to the light just show me how to get out of here no no no no this you are nearly a Jill sandwich all that remains is the final goodbye are you fucking kidding me one pen one fucking pen is the key to escape different fucking building wait just normal doors blocks an escape route I thought you were dead they always think that you look well how's the family that's good how was the meeting you know nobody seems to want bespoke stuff these days it's all app operated or something the tiger yawns so the blind can see

48 thoughts on “Resident Evil: WORST ARCHITECT EVER

  1. his designs actually make sense to me, in the event of an outbreak
    do you really ant just simple locks and doors
    they could be opened by accident or with brute force
    you know
    something the infected could do
    or worse an idot would leave open
    a lot of the doors seem like they require prior knowledge to be able to open, knowledge you'd only give to people you want to escape your shady experiment buildings

  2. This creepy old guy kind of sounds like Klogg from the Neverhood…

    I mean, It makes sense, I mean, they're both total assholes and wack jobs. XD

  3. I feel for that woman. She just wants a somewhat safe and sane work environment (given the fact that Umbrella seems to specialize in biological warfare, finding a way to keep their OWN people safe from said biological warfare outbreaks would be a good idea and I'm surprised the company hasn't gone belly up, yet), but all she gets in the guy who is designing all of her company's facilities (as well as perhaps Racoon City) who has to make every room a puzzle or death trap, she has to kill her now undead secretary, she goes through hell while her crazy architect speaks in riddles, and she gets killed right at the end because her patience runs out at a critical moment.

  4. Puzzle doors are terrible for events where you need to run like fuck, but I wouldn't mind a few secret rooms that can be hidden behind mystery.

    A weapon room or bio lab, sure. But escape routes? Just gimme an explosive weapon and I'll make my own.

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