Oh, where’d I get these? At the cool store. Yeah, I was like, “I didn’t get
the Hot Topic memo today.” -SPADE: Is that for my pants?
-Yes. They’re (bleep) cool. I’m not worried about you
’cause you’re haters. Lot of haters out there. Guys, we promised we wouldn’t
get political on this show, but there is
big impeachment news. We have to talk
about it quickly… ♪ ♪ TIANA:
Whoa. I don’t know
if we need all that. But a judge in Kentucky
is facing impeachment for allegedly having threesomes
with her staff. -Her.
-TIANA: Her. Not that impeachment.
What were you thinking? Uh, according to the charges,
she also hit on lawyers and hired a member
of her own band to play the guitar
around the office. She’s guilty of being cool. What do you think? I-I mean, she’s setting women
forward in the South. (laughter) -TIANA: Finally.
-I mean, finally. Yeah. The i…
Anybody, too, that’s in a… has a band, it’s not good. Like, if you have a regular job,
and you’re this old and you’re like, “My band. -You got to go see my…”
-SPADE: Yeah. -Like, it’s like, that person…
-Yeah. Not good. -I mean, they probably are…
-I had a guy, and same thing. He’s-he’s, uh, he’s older and… Not older,
but he’s older for a band. And I hooked him up
with the head of a record. You know, uh, Maverick Records. And he goes… he goes,
“Just introduce me. He’ll love it. He’ll thank you.” And I go, “Uh…” So, the guy goes, uh, “Listen,
I would never sign a band “with a lead singer over 25, “and you’re 50. But I’ll give you a hug.” So… So he got something
out of it. I don’t know. -He got… Yeah.
-You know, this is Kentucky. The-the guy was playing a guitar
and not a banjo, so that’s what I was shocked by. I was also shocked that
she wasn’t wearing overalls, ’cause that seems like that’s
normally the dress code. I mean, listen,
the fact that Kentucky has any functioning
legal system… -is great.
-TIANA: Yeah. You know?
I mean, this is a state where the, like,
the biggest, uh, industry is jacking off the winner
of the Kentucky Derby. -That’s the biggest industry?
-Making… -And I want it to stay that way.
-That’s what it is. Yeah. All right. Well, listen,
the gang bang is now in session. Uh, that’s back to that joke. Okay, uh, Gwen Stefani… We all, uh, know
and love Gwen Stefani. She, uh, wants to get marr… I thought
they were already married. She wants to marry
Blake Shelton, but she can’t
until she gets an annulment. Is this troubling or legit? Is this a real reason? I don’t know. I don’t… I didn’t know
you could use that as an excuse. I’ve been married for 100 years, so I would have said that
a long time ago. -I think…
-You’ve been married 100 years? -Well…
-Since the… -Seems like a long time.
-It’s been my whole life. I went from my mom to her,
to my wife. SPADE:
Yeah. My… I think people have somehow
gotten around it in L.A. since everyone
has been married five times. -DILLON: Right.
-So there’s some… -There’s some people…
-I bet they’re using their faith here in L.A. a lot. -Yeah, I get it.
-Like… -Hey, easy, L.A.
-Yeah. I know. I’m actually fine with–
I mean, like, I-I chose not to get married
even though we’re having a baby. But, like, my sister did think that we were getting married
last year, ’cause she asked my boyfriend
what he was getting me for Christmas and he said
he was getting me a ring because he wanted
to keep an eye on me. -And he got me the video…
-Yeah. -Ring doorbell?
-The doorbell. -Yeah. -Oh, wow. -You’re like,
“That’s still good.” -That’s still good. I got two,
so… -Yeah. -Is that… -Yeah. Are you outside a lot? -She’s in the front yard a lot.
-Front yard. -How do you think
I got pregnant? -Yeah. -She’s, like, devout Catholic.
-Yeah, it’s Catholic. What was fun about Bill O’Reilly
is when he d-divorced his wife, he wa– he tried to have
her excommunicated -from the Catholic Church.
-Whoa. -Whoa. Which is really fun. Uh… -Getting excommunicated?
-It’s a fun thing, ’cause then he would have to–
you know, he has kids with her and he’d have to tell the kids,
like, “Mom’s going to hell, -and I made that happen.”
You know? -Uh-huh. That’s a fun guy. That’s a fun phone call to–
Like, “Bill O’Reilly’s -on the phone? Wonder
what he wants.” -Yeah. -Yeah. “Kids, get on speaker.
I want you to be here for this.” All right, well,
good luck to them. I think, uh–
Oh, we have the same coat. Um, a guy in Brazil got busted for dressing up as his own mom. I can’t make this shit up. Actually,
I probably could make that up. Uh, and took her driving test
for her. This is him in the photo, and, uh, he’s wearing her stuff. Where was this taken,
on Locked Up Abroad? -Yeah.
-Yeah. By the way,
don’t get locked up abroad. -That’s not the way to go.
-Yeah. -It’s not good. -I’ve seen that show.
-I can’t believe– This happened in Brazil,
so I’m just glad to know that they have rules there or,
like, any kind of tra– I thought it just a free-for-all
when you were driving, like when you go to New Jersey
and you’re like, “Why is everyone
driving backwards -and from the passenger seat?”
-Yeah. No rules. In America now,
’cause everyone’s– you know, everybody wants
to be woke and a good person– he would’ve gotten away
with that forever. -Nobody would call that out.
-No one could complain. Everyone would’ve been like,
“Uh, it seems weird, “but, you know, whatever.
Uh, it’s 2020. We love you, and God bless.” -Yeah.
-When I was at Arizona State, where I have six credits
in anthropology… I didn’t graduate. I might pick
up the other 130 next summer, but, uh, I was in a,
uh, fraternity, and, uh, I was trying
to impress some, uh, lady, some-some Pi Phi. (bleep) grab a thigh. And, uh, Alpha Flea.
I got all the names. And so I-I had my ’72 Volvo, and I just got it,
so I wanted to show off. And I was driving her 100 yards
to her dorm. And I was a little buzzed,
but, back then, it was not– that wasn’t even anything. So, honestly, I got pulled over.
(mimics siren) And then she’s like,
“I’m just gonna…” And I go, “No, this isn’t even
a problem. This is nothing.” And they locked me up. They didn’t tell me
till the next day that, uh, my brother had gotten
pulled over three times, had warrants,
so he just kept signing my name, -saying it was me.
-Oh. And then– and then now I was
in jail and he was not somehow. So-so I relate.