Welcome. Guys, on the show tonight,
we got Leighton Meester, Taran Killam, Brad Garrett– cast of Single Parents,
all here. -(whoops)
-(cheering and applause) All right, enough about them. Here’s what everyone’s buzzing
about today. Uh, today is
Fire Prevention Day. So please wait until tomorrow
to play my mixtape. Give us a sample.
Give us a sample. Just a bit of a… ♪ Beep-bop, beep-bop ♪ ♪ Beep-ba-doop-ba-doop. ♪ It’s dope, too. I hope
it’s not Dope Prevention Day. Season ten of The Walking Dead
had its lowest ratings ever. The problem is,
in my humble opinion, is, ten seasons in,
the zombies are full, and, uh, they’re
just walking around bloated, going, “Too much food.
You know what? “I feel sick. -I just don’t…”
-GARRETT: Dave, I have an idea. -Oh.
-Try this standing up. (laughter) So (bleep)ed up. Brad! I got to stay in frame. Sorry. There’s gonna be a lot
of height humor on this episode. I can feel it. Airbnb is now listing
the Goodyear Blimp as an overnight stay. So far, they’ve had offers
from football fans and ISIS. MEESTER (laughs):
Oh. They’re just pouring
through the offers. Uh, University of Kansas
officials apologized for Snoop Dogg’s stripper-filled
performance last weekend, saying he promised it would be
more family-friendly than usual. Going by the C-section scars, the strippers
all did have families. -(laughs): Oh!
-Yes. Yes! -Poor Leighton over there.
-Stripper C-se– Oh! -Calm down!
-They put me in the back. A new PBS documentary had
scientists debating whether or not octopuses dream. People with cancer are like,
“Uh… “so, that’s what’s going on
over there nine-to-five? Uh… Okay.” GARRETT:
Yeah. Wow. Like, who cares
if octopuses dream? That’s the point of that one. Um, in a national study, chlamydia, gonorrhea
and syphilis have reached all– Right here! That’s it! -What we call the trifecta!
-Wasn’t that… Yeah. And I feel amazing! I mean, I don’t dream
like an octopus, but… -it helps. It helps.
-Too soon of a callback. No, but wasn’t that the working
title of your show or not? Uh, yes. Y-Yes, it was. (laughs) Jay-Z is hosting a blackjack
tournament in Florida. Last year, R. Kelly was busted
when he hit on 15. Leighton,
you still want to be here? Let’s go before she leaves. -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) Leighton is too nice to be here. She shouldn’t be on the show. Uh, you’re all from
the same show, which is unbelievable that we got you all here
at the same time. -Isn’t it incredible?
-Crazy. Uh, and… Have you seen the show? Uh, it’s on my, uh, uh, VCR. Is that what people have?
I don’t know. We’re missing an HR meeting
to be here. -Oh, you are? You get to miss
that HR meeting? -Yeah. We can go back
and harass whoever we want. Oh, my God, you’re scot-free. Now, what do you play?
The dumb, what, dad? Uh, I am the, um… (clears throat) I play the, uh… I play the, uh–
the older dumb dad with the, uh– the three STDs. And, uh, I play, uh, uh… A-Actually, um,
am I still on the show? -Oh. I-I…
-Depends on how this goes. -Yes, exactly.
-So, since it is Yom Kippur… -Just want to make…
-Yom Kippur? You gonna take a shot
at my people now, David? Is that how it’s gonna be?
I shouldn’t even be here with the lights on! -(applause and cheering)
-There’s no driving. I walked. I walked from the studio! Um, since it is Yom Kippur, I want to talk about Drake
just for one second. Uh, Drake says he’s hurt
by his father’s claims that he lied about him being
a deadbeat dad. Uh… -That guy– no way. -Well,
he sure doesn’t look like one. -Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah. There’s-there’s no guy…
There’s no way he was around. I think we know
where the child support’s going. (laughter) -You know you’re probably…
-California raisin. You know you’re probably not
a great parent if you dress
like a background dancer from the “Smooth Criminal”
video. (laughter, applause) SPADE:
That’s true. I also love that he’s sticking
with the fedora, you know? -Yeah.
-Everybody… He’s like Indiana Jones, but instead of fighting Nazis,
he fights child support. (laughter) -Wow. -Yeah. I was like,
“Is this Cheech or Chong? I don’t know.” -It’s a funny outfit.
-I think he’s Grimace. That guy’s got a second,
third and fourth family. -KILLAM: Yeah. -SPADE: Yeah,
I feel like there’s a lot peppered out there, right. Uh, if you own a purple suit, you’re probably playing
either the Joker… -KILLAM: Right.
-…or you’re a deadbeat dad. I actually… I had a deadbeat dad.
Trigger topic. Trigger, trigger, trigger. -Oh, yeah.
-We’ve heard the podcasts. My dad– I was four, Leighton. -Mm-hmm.
-Um, and, uh, he went out. KILLAM:
Talk about the gun stuff. He went out for cigarettes,
didn’t come back, but… -GARRETT: Uh-oh.
-By the way, he did a commercial with Drake, and they sort of
played off their relationship. Show this commercial. ♪ ♪ Hey, son. Hold my drink. Nice turtleneck. ♪ Kind of crazy. ♪ Oh! That’s great casting. Oh. That’s my home movie,
basically. They sampled your mixed tape
for that commercial, right? -SPADE: That is, yeah.
-That’s your beat.